I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is Oprah even human
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
