I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
