Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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