So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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