Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
