on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
