and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
