I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He passed out mid-signature
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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