Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
