dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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