i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
