Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize