Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize