somebody snuck up and got me drunk
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
