i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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