So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
