it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
