I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ugly people sure do ruin things
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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