the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
