Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
