Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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