They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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