fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
