Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
