Did you just see the Batmobile???
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
