Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
