ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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