Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
