My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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