well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Mom said you looked used
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
