My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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