Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
