you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
