and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
