my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
