Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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