Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
