I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
