can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
