the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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