im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
