i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
