Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
