He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
