She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
