I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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