The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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