I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He? As in you personified your dick?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
