census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
