google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
