fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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