exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
