You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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