pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
