i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
