I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You ruined the universe
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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