In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
