just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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