and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
