we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
