Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
