ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm at about main and main street
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
