No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize