"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
