dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We smell like vodka and hangover
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