i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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