I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
