I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
sex in a hospital.. check
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
