Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
